


The One Person Danny Couldn't Seduce

by mild_mannered_apricot



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Attitude City, Arin Neverbone - Freeform, Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Gen, Nonbinary Character, Platonic Relationships, Rated T for language, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Samurai Abstinence Patrol, Samurai Barry - Freeform, Superheroes, ace!reader, aro!reader, bc he's so sexualised, he'd be so confused, i just love the idea of Danny Sexbang meeting an aroace person, it'd be great, ninja sex party, nonbinary reader, reader has some sort of powers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-11-20
Packaged: 2019-05-04 17:08:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14597712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mild_mannered_apricot/pseuds/mild_mannered_apricot
Summary: As the reader arrives in Attitude City, they find themselves tangled up with forces beyond their control. Will they figure out what's happening? What's up with the Samurai Abstinence Patrol? Wtf is going on? Will they ever get Danny to stop flirting with them? Probably not. Will Ninja Brain ever stop being a homicidal manic? Probably not.Will I ever stop asking rhetorical questions? Probably not. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯





	1. A New Person in a Strange City

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [(Never)Boned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664803) by [TrappedInAPentagram](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrappedInAPentagram/pseuds/TrappedInAPentagram). 
  * Inspired by [Danny Sexbang x Reader: Abstisensuality](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5160875) by [KingOfHearts709](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingOfHearts709/pseuds/KingOfHearts709). 



Attitude City. It got its reputation as the city of fucks, where no fucks were given, some fucks were taken, way too many people wore leather jackets, and Ninja Sex Party reigned as the ultimate superhero duo, undefeated in their fight against the evil Samurai Abstinence Patrol. It wasn’t a very popular city considering it was the crime capital of the world, and the property rates were strikingly high. Wherever superheros resided there was sure to be property damage (as well as more than a few people killed).

As you looked out the window of your taxi, you could see the dreaded city getting closer and closer. The taxi driver looked in the rearview mirror and noticed your expression. “Having second thoughts?” he asked, his sudden voice startling you a bit.

“Oh, no.” You paused for a moment, then confessed, “...maybe.”

The taxi driver nodded and hummed. “If you don’t mind me asking, why Attitude City?”

“Pardon?”

“Barely anyone ever moves there. Why?”

You shrugged, “I just felt like I had to.” a pause. “My parents absolutely hate me for this. They’re worried I’ll die or get robbed within the first two weeks.”

You caught the taxi driver muttering, “They’re probably right.” under his breath, but you decided not to comment on it.

You shrugged. “I don't know. I just felt… compelled to come here.” You turned to look at him. “I know. It’s a weird reason to move.”

“You think it’s fate, destiny, something like that?”

You shrugged a second time. “Like I said, I don’t know.”

“Well you’ll know soon enough.” he said, nodding his head at the Welcome to Attitude City sign that had just come into sight. You fall silent as the buildings engulfed you. There was no turning back now. (Well technically you could just tell the taxi driver to turn around and go back, but that’s irrelevant)

Buildings pass by silently, and you catch glimpses of people walking the street outside. They didn’t look that abnormal, apart from the large amount of leather jackets. Pretty much most of the people looked like they belonged to a biker gang. The people that didn’t looked straight out of an 80s sitcom. What a strange city.

Eventually the taxi pulled up to a slightly run-down apartment complex. You got out and looked up at it, shielding your face from the sun. You could see spots on the wall where the off-white paint had chipped away, revealing brick underneath. A few windows were cracked and the door was slightly warped, but it was cheap, and that what’s mattered. Besides, you couldn’t afford to be picky. You turned around and saw the taxi driver unloading your suitcase from the back of the taxi. You thank him and grab it as he climbs back in the car. After you pay the driver, the taxi speeds away and you suddenly find yourself all alone in this strange new city.

You felt a twinge of fear as you looked around at your new surroundings. Suddenly feeling a need to get inside, you step up to the door and try the handle. It’s open, so you step in and are greeted by the sight of a small lobby. It was slightly shabby but still felt cozy. The desk near the back of the room was void of personnel, however there was a small bell sitting on it. Looking around and seeing no one, you rang the bell.

Instantly a cacophony of crashes sounded from a doorway adjacent to the desk, as someone shouted, “Just a sec! I’ll be out in a moment!”

A few moments later the door opened, revealing a short, stocky boy who looked young enough to be a teenager. He ran a hand through his blond hair that was already sticking up in every possible direction, and made his way to the desk.

He collapsed in the swivel chair, trying to be chill and collected, which didn’t work as the chair almost collapsed under him. After he steadied himself, he said. “Hi, welcome to Gibson Apartments, how may I help you?”

“Hey...” you looked at his nametag, “...Milo. I recently bought an apartment, and I’m here to move… in?” Your sentence trailed off, but Milo seemed to understand what you had meant to say.

“What name?” He said, shaking the mouse to wake up the computer. You gave him your name, and he clicked around a bit before finding what he was looking for. “Alright, you’re in apartment 32a, which is on the third floor. Here is your key,” he handed it to you, “please try not to lose it, as it is moderately expensive to replace. There’s also a few rules that I need you to keep in mind.”

He started counting off on his fingers, “No smoking, no pets, no orgies above five people,” you made a face but he seemed not to notice, “if you’re too loud we’re allowed to fine you so don’t so that, be sure to lock your door when you leave your apartment, if you break something you have to pay for it, unless it results from a superhero fight, in which case we have insurance for that, and there is a cleaning lady that comes every month, but for the most part you have to clean your own apartment. If you need cleaning supplies you can ask at the desk. There’s not a curfew, but the management recommends you be back at your place by 11 PM, because that’s when the doors lock. Don’t worry, you’ll find the key to the front door in your apartment.”he paused for a moment, “...and that’s it. Welcome to your new home.”

He smiled at you, and you find yourself returning the smile, before walking past the desk and taking the elevator to your floor. Unlocking your apartment, you’re immediately hit by the smell of cleaning supplies and dust. The moving people had already been here, judging by the number of boxes strewn about. You drop your suitcase in the bedroom, where a skeleton bed without a mattress sits in the corner, and you go to move about the apartment and take in where you’re going to be living for the foreseeable future.

A small entrance hallway widens out into a living room with an adjoining kitchen. Through a doorway you can see a small dining room housing a round table and five chairs. As you move further into the apartment, you see another hallway leading from the living room to the bedroom, where a bathroom resides a door away. It’s not very big, and it’s not very nice, but it’s enough room for one person to live in comfortably.

You smile. Your first apartment. It’s even better than you thought it would be. Your excitement grows as you turn to the boxes to start unpacking. Hours pass, but you barely notice as you immerse yourself into setting up your new home. It’s only when your stomach lets out a groan of hunger do you realise you haven’t eaten since the taxi ride. Glancing towards your empty kitchen, you realise you need to go grocery shopping. Oh well.

You pull out your phone and check the time. Most restaurants should still be open around 8 PM, right? Using the map app on your phone, you find a restaurant within walking distance. Grabbing your wallet and keys, you make your way back outside, making sure to lock your door and say hello to Milo on your way out. Once outside, you realise a soft dusk has fallen on the city. The streetlights illuminate a variety of pedestrians in a soft fluorescent glow, as the sun sinks lower and lower in the sky. Although the air smells slightly like something is burning, and the people on the street seem to look at you weirdly, you enjoy your stroll. After a few minutes of walking, you arrive at a small restaurant. The name was a pancake pun and the sign out front proclaimed, “Breakfast Served All Day!!”

‘Well.’ you thought. ‘It’s not ihop, but it’ll do.’ After a very filling breakfast at eight thirty in the evening, you stopped by the bakery next door for dessert. Upon entering, you realized the bakery also doubled as a coffee shop. Interesting. Seeing as it was too late for coffee, you made a mental note to come back here later. As you perused the selection of baked goods, you noticed a sign on the wall, “Help Wanted.” After paying for your cupcake, you picked up an informational flyer.

You walked back to your house eating your cupcake. You were so enchanted by its creamy goodness that you only looked up once you had finished it. And then you noticed… the streets were empty. Where were all the people?

You tried to reason with yourself. It was pretty late in the day, so there was good enough reason for people to not to be on the streets. Still, you were pretty creeped out. Your pace quickened as you started glancing behind you. Was somebody following you, or was that just your imagination? You started moving even faster. You glanced back once more, and when you turned forward, you almost collided with a man who had suddenly appeared in front of you. You looked up quickly and saw his grim face staring back at you. You backed up a bit, taking in his long hair with a streak of blonde, scruffy beard coating his face, sword in his hand- Wait, was he wearing pajamas? That was the last coherent thing you thought before everything went black.

When you woke up you were strapped to a chair, in a room filled with darkness. ‘How cliche.’ you thought, turning your head around to try and decipher where you were. It was too dark to see anything except for a few blob like shapes that may have just been your eyes playing tricks on you. As your brain slowly woke up, you realized you could hear the blobs conversing.

“I don’t know, she doesn’t look different.”

“They.” You muttered out. The blob stopped talking.

It seemed to move closer. “What did you say?”

“Not she. They. I’m not a girl.” You muttered angrily. First these people kidnap you, then they drag you to this strange place, and then they have the audacity to misgender you right in front of your face! Who did they think they were?

A bright light is turned on, shining directly in your face, immediately interrupting your thoughts. It scares you so much that you let out a scream as you accidently tip the chair over and fall onto your backside. Your head hits the floor hard and you let out a groan.

“Shit!” the voice says again, and you immediately feel yourself being lifted off the ground and put back into a sitting position, no longer being blinded by the light. “Okay, this isn’t going to work.” they say. You can see one blob look at the other blob, as if they were communicating. “I know, but-” The other blob made some hand gestures, “It doesn’t matter if they see who we are-” more gestures, “But you saw what happened, we won’t get anywhere like this!” a sigh from the other blob, “Okay, now go get the lights.”

The other blob shuffled off, and suddenly the room was filled with light from a few fluorescent light bulbs overhead. Once you stopped being blinded, you looked around for a bit to take in your surroundings. Finding the room as unimpressive and boring as it had been when the lights were off, you turned to look at the blob that had been speaking, and were unsuprised to see the same guy you had ran into on the street.

“Who are you?”

The guy puffed his chest out a bit. “I am Arin Neverbone!” he said in a booming voice, “And this is Samurai Barry.” he gestured behind you.

You turned your head and suddenly saw a man dressed like a samurai standing way too close to your face. “Holy fuck!” you screamed in surprise, as the chair toppled over and you fell again, this time on your side, coming very close to crushing your fingers.

“God...damn.” You heard Arin mutter, as the samurai picked you up again. Still holding onto you, he gestured to Arin. “What do you mean it’s broken?” Arin asked, coming around to the back of the chair. You could feel them fiddling with the chair for a bit, until Arin said, “Just... leave it, it’s fine. It’s all good.”

They both came around and stood in front of you. “Alright, now we can finally get to the question part.” Arin crossed his arms. “Why did you come to Attitude City?”

“Well,” you pretended to think back, “It all started when I was twelve…”

Arin growled. “Just cut to the chase, please.”

You shrugged. “Fine, I guess you don’t want to hear my tragic backstory. Real answer: I just... felt like I had to.”

Arin and Barry whispered a bit among themselves. Gradually, you noticed a discomfort growing in you. You felt uncomfortable, but it wasn’t because of the ropes. There was some sort of dull pain in your chest, and it felt like it was getting more and more painful by the second. If your brain wasn’t fully occupied with this pain, you probably would realize that something had been bothering you since you were kidnapped. Only now it just started growing. It was almost like period cramps, but duller, and somehow worse. Much worse.

Arin and Barry turned back around to see you grimacing. “Are you okay?” Arin asked.

You shook your head. “It’s fine- ugh.” you said as a wave of pain coursed through you. The two guys exchanged worried looks.

“It it- do you think?” Arin anxiously glanced over at the samurai, who simply shrugged. “Do you think they’re faking it?” he said, as you let out another large groan of pain. You were curled up as much as you could while being tied to a chair, as your vision grew fuzzy at the edges. You could vaguely hear Arin say, “Is it the rope?” above the buzzing in your brain.

The next think you knew, you had collapsed on the floor, apparently being released from the chair. You curled into yourself as the pain became sharper and more painful by the second. You could barely comprehend what was going on as your vision became distorted and fuzzy, everything sounded like it was underwater. You could barely acknowledge the commotion happening in the world outside your brain. All you could focus on was the pain, all encompassing and terrible.

Suddenly, the commotion stopped, and you felt someone gently touching your arm, prompting you to roll over. You did, still writhing in pain, and as your vision became more and more foggy you started to lose consciousness. But before you fully passed out, you saw a very concerned guy with really curly hair hovering over you, and then everything went black.


	2. Meeting the Fucker Himself, Danny Sexbang

The first thing your brain registered when you started waking up was soft. You were laying on something soft, and your entire body ached. You realized that you were still curled up in a fetal position. Though it hurt to move, you slowly uncurled yourself. You stretched your arms out and your hand hit something. You immediately drew it back, startled, and slowly opened your eyes. You were in some kind of bed, and there was a man. Beside you. In the bed.

The first action your slightly delirious mind thought of was to scream. So you screamed. Immediately the man woke up, confused. He started looking around, until he realised it was him you were screaming at. He started shouting, trying to get you to calm down, but it didn’t work as you backed up and fell off the bed, a string of curses following as your sore body hit the floor hard.

You jumped to your feet, wincing at the sudden movement, and looked around. You seemed to be in a very large colorful bedroom, with a very large bed and an assortment of stuff scattered across the floor, everything from clothes and musical instruments. You noticed a bedside table beside you that, among other things, housed a lamp.

You quickly grabbed the lamp, yanking it out of the wall, and held it towards the man, who was still sitting on the bed. He quickly put his hands up, a surprised look on his face.

“Okay, look.” you said, ignoring the slight shake in your hands, “I don’t know who you are, or where I am, and I’m going to need some answers-OH HOLY FUCK A NINJA.” you shouted as a ninja came out of nowhere, knocked the lamp out of your hands, and held out a knife, trapping you at knifepoint. You were too shocked to respond.

“Ninja Brian!” the strange man protested to the ninja, whose name was apparently Brian, “Don’t scare her, she’s a guest!”

The ninja looked back at the man, and made a kind of ‘what?’ gesture with his available hand.

The man sighed, “I had it under control.”

The ninja glared at him.

“I was not in danger! I could have handled it myself!”

He held up the knife.

“No, you’re not allowed to stab her.”

He gestured with the knife.

“You’re indefinitely not allowed to stab her.”

Another look from the ninja.

“Yes, that means forever. Now get out!”

Ninja Brian sighed and threw down a smoke bomb, and with a poof he suddenly was gone. You coughed for a few seconds as the smoke wafted over to you, but within a minute it had dissipated.

You turned back to the man you had woke up next to to see he had finally gotten off the bed. He grinned at you from under a mop of curly hair, and your brain registered what he was wearing. “Are you...wearing pajamas?”

His face immediately scrunched up in confusion. “No, this is a kimono.”

“...okay.” You decided not to question it. That was arguably the least weirdest thing that had happened today. “Uh, so do you mind telling me who you are and why the fuck you were in the bed… with me?” 

“You don’t know who I am?” he said, genuinely shocked. You slowly shook your head. Grinning, he jumped onto the bed and, striking a pose, shouted, “I am Danny Sexbang, extremely sexy superhero,” (with a hip thrust to emphasise ‘sexy’), “and lover of women everywhere! You’ve already met my associate, Ninja Brian. We make up the amazing and sexy superhero duo known around the world as Ninja Sex Party!”

“Oh.” You’d heard of Ninja Sex Party before in passing. Occasionally they showed up on the news, but that doesn’t mean you knew anything about them. “That explains some stuff.” You took a deep breath. Adrenaline was still coursing through your body as you attempted to calm yourself down.

“Are you okay?” Danny asked, somewhat worried.

You gave him a look. “I just got kidnapped twice in one day, on my first day in this stupid city, I was in very intense pain not very long ago, and I just woke up in a strange place with a strange guy who isn’t wearing pants, do I seem okay to you?”

He blinked. “No, not really.”

You ran a hand over your face, feeling the tiredness behind eyes. “Okay, can you just tell me where I am and show me the door so I can go home and never have to interact with you again?”

“But I’m Danny Sexbang!,” he said, sliding off the bed and moving towards you in a way you didn’t like. “A lot of girls would kill to be in your shoes right now.”

You held your hands up, “If you touch me I will kick you in the balls.” He backed up, seemingly surprised at your outburst. “And besides, I’m not a girl.”

Now he was confused. “But… you look like a girl.”

“Well looks can be deceiving.” you snapped at him. “I’m nonbinary. They/them.”

He shrugged, “Alright.”

You sighed and rubbed your face again. “Look, I’ve had a long day, and I’m not really acting like myself right now. I just need to go home-”

“No, you can’t.” Danny said, interrupting you. He glanced around as if making sure no one was listening. “You’re in danger,” he stage-whispered, “So you’re going to stay here in my Sexatorium for the time being!”

You shook your head and squinted. “Your what?”

“My Sexatorium! The sexiest place in all of Attitude City!”

“What the literal actual fuck.” you muttered under your breath, “Well, regardless of whatever you say, I’m leaving.” You looked around and spotted the door behind you. “It’s been nice meeting you, but I hope we literally never see each other again.” With that, you went through the door, closing it behind you.

You found yourself in an absurdly large room, standing at the top of an absurdly lavish staircase. On the other side of the room you spotted a large door, what you assumed was the exit. Quickly you ran down the stairs two at a time, past Brian who was doing something in the kitchen. He watched you run past, emotionless and undeterred from his work. Only when you were outside, having closed the door behind you, did you finally breathe. You looked around and noticed that the Sexbang residency seemed to be on the outskirts of town, which meant it was a ways away from your apartment. Sighing, you took your phone out of your pocket (it was miraculously not destroyed, which was great because you did not have the money to replace it) and opened the map app. After almost thirty minutes of walking down dark deserted streets that left you fearing for your life, you finally arrived back at your apartment. The door was locked and the front desk was deserted, signaling that it was way later than you had intended to return. You didn’t care. You barely had enough energy to unlock your apartment and take your shoes of before you collapsed facedown on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

When you woke up you could hear breathing nearby. You almost turned over to ask who it was before your brain woke up fully and you froze, just listening to it. There was someone in the room with you, and you couldn’t tell who it is. Your brain immediately went into overdrive. It could be Danny, back to annoy you, but it could also be those other guys. Was Danny right when he said you were in danger? You needed a game plan, some way to defend yourself. Knifes. You had knifes in the kitchen.

Slowly, you creeped your hand over to the bedside table. You took a deep breath in preparation and turned on the lamp, leaping out of bed at the same time. You barely registered the man leaning on the wall across the room as you ran through the door and into the kitchen, flipping the lightswitch on your way in. You grab two of the biggest knifes you own and point them at the door to your bedroom.

The man emerges into the light and you recognise Arin Neverbone. He holds his hands up, indicating peacefulness, although you can’t ignore the sword hanging at his waist. “I’m not here to hurt you, I just want to talk.”

“Really?” you almost laugh. “Alright, so let’s talk. Why did you kidnap me?”

He sighs. “I can’t tell you that yet.”

“Oh really?” you said sarcastically.

“Look, there’s some things about yourself that you don’t understand-”

“I DON’T CARE.” you shouted, anger bubbling up inside of you. “I’m SO SICK of people invading my personal space and thinking they know what's best for me!”

“But-”

You groaned in frustration, cutting him off. You were so angry you didn’t even realise you had dropped the knives onto the kitchen floor. You felt a strange energy surge through you as you screamed, “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” your body seemed to move on autopilot as you thrust your hands towards the intruder. You saw a flash of red as Arin seemed to be thrown backwards, but as soon as your energy was used, it was expended and you found yourself collapsing to the floor, somehow even more tired and sore than you previously had been.

Your breath came in ragged gasps, your eyesight fogging up. Before you knew it, you were asleep, your cheek pressed against the cold kitchen tile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not particularly good but it's here. Enjoy!
> 
> Anyway i'm having so much trouble with the character of Danny Sexbang. What is he doing? He's not even an actual person, which makes it even more difficult. Heck.
> 
> So prepare yourself for a lot of random ooc Danny Sexbang :)


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, you were hanging out in the park across town. You had just bought some bird seed from a nice old lady who had a little booth set up across the park. She could hardly be seen underneath all the birds that perched on her shoulders, and she had been absentmindedly stroking a pigeon perched on her knee while she rang up the purchase. You sat down on a bench and spread some bird seed out in front of you. Within a few seconds a good number of pigeons had flocked to you and were pecking at it.

You smiled, relaxing for a bit before something in the corner of your eye caught your attention. You turned and saw a man jogging towards you. He was wearing the most brightly colored, tightest fitting exercise clothes you had ever seen a human being wear. He looked like the embodiment of a clashing neon sign. He had his curly hair up in a ponytail, so it took you a few moments to recognize him. Crap. it was that Sexbang dude. He slowed down as he approached you.

You sighed. There’s no getting out of this. “Hey Danny.” You sprinkled some more bird seed at your feet.

He stopped moving and looked at you in surprise. “How did you know it was me?”

You looked at him, confused.

He gestured down to his outfit. “I’m in disguise.”

“Yeah, that’s… an amazing disguise.”

“Thanks!” he said excitedly, not picking up on your sarcasm at all. He sat down on the bench next to you and looked at the pigeons. You side-eyed him and threw more seed out for the pigeons. “Do you ever wonder how birds have sex?” he asked out of the blue.

“What? No. That’s not a normal thing to do.”

He just shrugged. You both sat for a moment in silence. You could feel it building, before finally you broke down and said, “So are we gonna talk about what happened last night?” He looked over at you and smirked, sticking his tongue out suggestively. You rolled your eyes. “You know what I mean.”

He shrugged. “What’s there to talk about?”

“I was kidnapped by two guys, one of whom is apparently a samurai, both of which had swords, I was in some very intense pain for reasons I don’t understand before you show up and expect me to stay in your ‘Sexatorium’ like you have any control over what I do.”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I didn’t know you’d react like that. Most girls would kill for the opportunity to stay in my Sexatorium.” he muttered.

“Well I’m not like most girls: I’m not a fucking girl. Okay?”

“Well,” he said, turning towards you and shifting so he was closer. “I’m open for anything,” he was getting dangerously close now. “In the bedroom.” he whispered, moving in for the kiss.

You put your hand over his mouth and pushed him back. “I’m also not interested in you.”

“What?” he looked shocked. You wondered if anyone had ever turned him down before.

You sighed. “If it makes you feel any better, you’re not special. I’m not interested in anyone.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” you shrugged. “I’ve never really felt anything but platonic attraction to anyone my entire life.”

“That must suck for you.”

“It actually doesn’t. I don’t miss what I never knew.”

“Man.” Danny stared off into the distance. “I don’t even want to imagine what my life would be without boning.”

“Oh wow sex must be so important to you.” you said sarcastically.

“It is.” he said with the most serious expression you had ever seen him wear.

You scoffed as you both fell into silence, him just watching you feed the pigeons. You let your thoughts wander to what had happened the night before. You weren’t even sure it had really happened. When you woke up it had been in your bed, not the kitchen floor, and the knives had shown no sign of having been moved from their place in the kitchen. Yet, you couldn’t overlook the scratches on the kitchen floor or the new dent in the wall. You thought about what it had felt, to have been so angry and just to feel all that anger come out of your fingertips, the sheer power you had displayed. It almost frightened you. You felt something twist in your gut.

Danny said your name, snapping you out of your thoughts. “Is that normal?” he asked, pointing in front of you. You focused back on reality and realized… the bird seed was floating. Almost as soon as you registered it, it fell to the ground. The pigeons flocked back over to the seed as if nothing had happened.

You and Danny slowly turned to look at each other. You took a breath. “...I don’t think that’s normal, no.”

Danny slowly nodded his head and gestured to the pigeons. “Did you do that?”

You bit your lip. “Maybe?”

He slowly nodded again. “I think we should go back to the Sexatorium and figure this out.” For once you agreed with him.

On the bus ride over you recounted your experience with Neverbone the other night and the strange thing that had happened before you passed out. Danny just looked more and more surprised by the minute.

When you got to the Sexatorium Danny swung open the door (apparently it was unlocked) and shouted into the house, “Ninja Brian, I’m home!”

Ninja Brian suddenly appeared in front of them in a cloud of smoke. He looked a bit beat up, and his face was splattered with something that suspiciously looked like blood.

“What have you been up to?” Danny asked. Brian shrugged, hiding a knife behind his back. You eyed it warily.

“Cool.” Danny said, oblivious. “I don’t think you guys have properly met. Y/n, Ninja Brian. Ninja Brian, y/n.”

You cautiously waved at him from a distance. “Hi.”

Ninja Brian turned to Danny, his hands moving in a flurry that you could just make out as, _‘Isn’t she the one who tried to attack you with a lamp?’_

Danny waved his hand dismissively. “It’s fine, they won’t attack me again, right?” he turned to you.

“No promises.”

_‘I like them.’_

_‘Thanks.’_ you signed back.

Danny reeled back in surprise and Ninja Brian’s eyes widened a bit. _‘How do you know ninja sign?’_

“Are you a ninja?” Danny asked, crouching down into an exaggerated ninja pose as if you were going to suddenly attack him.

You shook your head. “My childhood friend was training to be a ninja. He taught me the language.”

_‘Was?'_

“He didn’t pass all the tests. He was a pretty bad ninja, and also he was deaf. He works in accounting now.”

Danny slowly nodded his head. “Interesting.”

_‘Are you fluent?’_ Brian asked.

You shook your head. _‘I know enough to have a conversation, but i’m far from fluent. I’m fluent in regular sign though.’_

“Well that’s great!” Danny exclaimed. “Now you and Ninja Brian can underst-” he was interrupted as a shrill ringing echoed through the house. He gasped dramatically. “The sex phone!”

“The sex phone?” you questioned as he galloped off, flailing his long arms around.

Danny started opening doors and looking through rooms. “Ninja Brian,” he whined, “where did you put it this time?”

Ninja Brian said nothing, but his eyes twinkled in glee.

You looked at Brian as Danny flopped out of sight. He looked back at you and winked.

“I found it!” Danny shouted from across the house, holding the phone in the air.

...Yep, that looked like a penis. Admittedly, you weren’t very surprised. It was called the sex phone after all.

“Why is it a landline? Wouldn’t it be easier to just have a cell phone?” you asked.

Danny shook his head. “It’s cooler this way.” he quickly picked up the phone and answered it. “Hello? Oh, hey. Yes, I remember you. Really? Yeah, I’ll be right over.” he put the phone down. “I’m very sorry, but a girl needs my help.”

“You- what?” you stuttered out.

Dan danced over to the door. “I’m going to go have sex, I’ll be back in about three minutes, and then we’ll figure this out. There’s just someone I need to fuck.” he closed the door behind him, but then poked his head back in and pointed at Brian. “Please don’t kill them while i’m gone.”

_‘No promises.’_ Brian signed, but before he could even finish talking Danny had shut the door, leaving you alone with a homicidal ninja. This is not how you thought today was going to go.

You turned to look at Ninja Brian. He looked nonplussed. _‘So.’_ you signed. _‘How are you today?’_

_‘The fire of eternal hatred burns within my soul.’_

You nodded. _‘Cool.’_ Looking around for something to talk about, you gestured at the door Danny had just went out of. _‘So… he really likes sex.’_

Ninja Brian was impassive.

You looked around a bit. _‘What about you? Do you… like sex?’_ You cringed at yourself. You were really running out of things to talk about.

_‘I like murder.’_

_‘That’s a good pastime.’_ You both fell into silence again. _“'I don’t like sex. It grosses me out.’_ you said, just to have a thing to say.

_‘Good for you.’_

Silence fell between you both again. You felt super awkward. The ninja was just staring at you and you didn’t know what to do. You cursed Danny for leaving you two alone. You could barely talk to normal people, much less a psychopathic ninja that could kill you in a second. You hardly realized you were clenching your fists and hyperventilating as you tried to avoid the ninja’s gaze. You felt something drop in your chest like it had when you made the bird seed float. Fearing the worst, you looked down and saw a thin layer of ice spreading out from where your feet touched the floor. You clenched your fists tighter, trying to get control of your emotions.

Looking up at Ninja Brian, you could see that he was genuinely shocked. _‘Did you do that?’_ he signed.

_‘I… think so?_ ’ you replied, _‘I’m not really sure.’_ By this time you could see the ice had stopped growing and was starting to melt.

You both looked at each other in shock. _‘I have no idea what’s going on.’_ Ninja Brian signed.

_‘Neither do I.’_

All of a sudden, the front door banged open as if it had been kicked, interrupting you. Behind it stood Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry. You sighed. You really didn’t feel up to dealing with them again. Ninja Brian, on the other hand, had already drawn multiple weapons and charged towards Samurai Barry. They started fighting in the background as you turned to look at Arin, holding your hands up in expectation of a fight.

“Look, I don’t want to hurt you.” Arin said peacefully.

“Then why do you keep getting involved in my life?”

“I- look.” Arin ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his face. “There’s something different about you. We knew it as soon as you entered the city, so we had to talk to you-”

“You kidnapped me.” you said, deadpan.

“I know, it wasn’t the best way to get answers, and frankly, it was Barry’s idea.” a shirukin flew past Arin’s head, narrowly missing his face. He turned to see Barry, who had Ninja Brian pinned to the floor and was now glaring at Arin. Before Arin could do anything, Brian brooke free of his grasp and they resumed fighting.

You shook your head. “It doesn’t matter whose idea it was, it was a dickish thing to do.”

“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry.”

You looked into Arin’s eyes. He seemed genuine, but you still weren’t sure if you could trust him. Before you could say anything, the front door swung open so hard you were surprised it didn’t fall off its hinges, and Danny burst through, yelling. Arin was immediately tacked by him and they both started fighting while yelling incoherent things to each other.

The fighting escalated until finally you couldn’t stand it anymore. Stomping your foot on the ground, you yelled, “STOP!” You were surprised to find it had actually worked. All four people in the room were frozen in fighting positions, only a slight blue haze around them any indication that they had been frozen mid-air. You looked around at all the people. Arin and Danny looked confused and surprised. Samurai Barry was impassive. Ninja Brian was furious.

You took a deep breath. “Okay, I know you’re all supposed to be enemies or something, but can you please stop fighting and maybe talk to each other or something?”

“We won’t stop fighting until abstinence is practiced all across the world!” Arin said, still a bit peeved from the fight. Barry nodded solemnly.

“Fuck you, sex is great!” Danny shouted back.

“Fuck you all, no one cares!” you shouted. You put your head in your hands. “You’re fighting over some petty disagreement about sex? You're acting like children!”

Danny was silent, looking away from you. “He is a child!” Arin protested.

You rolled your eyes and released them. “I don’t really care about any of you, but if you’re just going to fight like children I don’t want to be here. I’m leaving.”

“You can’t go!” Danny protested.

You sighed. “Fuck off.” you said wearily as you walked out the door.

It took you at least twenty minutes to cross the city on foot. You were still relatively new here, and the bus system looked way too complicated to be figured out right now. Milo greeted you as you walked in the door. You raised a hand in greeting and smiled wearily. He looked a bit worried, and he probably should have been considering it was like seven at night and you were already tired, but you didn’t care. You were done with all this bullshit. Before you went to bed you made sure all the windows and doors were securely locked and just to be sure, you broke a glass and sprinkled the broken shards over the windowsills. You were sure the landlord wouldn’t mind.

The next day you got a fucking job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so I've lost interest in continuing this fic so this is probably going to be the last update unless I get back into writing Grumps fanfiction again. I haven't lost interest in the Game Grumps, I still watch them a lot, I've just moved on to different fandoms.
> 
> Anyway, I wrote this chapter a few months ago, back when I was still involved in this fic and I never got around to publishing it bc I didn't really edit or look over it at all. So it might be a bit rough, but I thought it at least deserved to be published so all the stuff I created for this fic is just out there.
> 
> If you're wondering where I was planning on going with this fic, I don't even really know. Probably something involving the characters powers and 6969, like maybe the main character in the future is said to have caused the dick counsel taking over the world with their powers and they had to figure out how to stop that from happening with time travel. Something like that.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read this fic and gave kudos and left comments, your support is really appreciated. Enjoy the chapter, and goodbye I guess. :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading the first chapter!
> 
> So I was imagining what would happen if in-universe Danny Sexbang met an aroace person because he just kinda assumes everyone is straight and allosexual, and this happened
> 
> the first chapter is just kinda establishing the world and the reader character, but you'll actually get to meet Danny soon, don't you worry :)


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